Lillian Perkowski Obituary

Lillian Natalie Perkowski, 90, passed away peacefully on June 26, 2020 after a brief illness surrounded by her family.

She was born in Jersey City, New Jersey, the fourth oldest of nine children to John and Anna Wojtowicz, née Bokuniewicz. Upon high school graduation in 1947, she became a legal secretary for T. James Tumulty, member of the U.S. House of Representatives and Attorney in Jersey City. It was through Mr. Tumulty that Lillian met her future husband, Stephen P. Perkowski. Both men met in the U.S. Army while bravely serving their country in the China-Burma-India Theater during WWII.

Shortly after their marriage on June 12, 1948, this trustworthy and sophisticated urban woman moved to the rustic countryside of Whitehouse Station, New Jersey into a home built by her husband. Stephen was a career CWO in the U.S. Army and in August, 1950 they moved to Munich, Germany and later to Esslinger, Germany. Six months prior to the relocation to Germany, their first daughter, Deborah, was born at St. Albans Naval Hospital, Governors Island, New York. Their second daughter, Anne, was born in Stuttgart-Bad Cannstatt, Germany. During that period of assignment in Germany, they had the opportunity to tour post war Switzerland, Austria, Italy and France. The final military relocation was to Upper Heyford, Oxfordshire, England.

Following their return to the USA, they made Whitehouse Station their permanent residence. Stephen retired from the U.S. Army in 1960 and began a career at Rutgers University. Eventually Lillian began a career in banking at Hunterdon County National Bank, Clinton, New Jersey, rising to an Assistant Vice President position.

Lillian continued to devote herself to what she loved most in life - her family. She was the cheerleader mother who praised all accomplishments however small they may be. She was the tender, compassionate mother who wiped away every tear and laughed at every silly joke. She was the resourceful mother who learned to sew so she could make dance recital costumes. She was the generous mother who devoted her time and energy as a Brownie and Girl Scout leader. With her keen analytical skills and uncanny insight into people, she enabled her family to successfully navigate all the dilemmas of life. She was the kind of mother who gave her daughters unconditional love and instilled in her children the courage and confidence to become the women they are today.

In December 1979, her husband, Stephen, who was the love of her life, died. It was this life changing event that caused the move to Bryn Mawr, Pennsylvania and she accepted this difficult challenge with grace and courage. She filled her new life with a job at Bryn Mawr College as a secretary for Alumni Resources and developed a circle of wonderful and supportive friends.

Lillian was a beautiful and very intelligent woman who embraced her life with her kind and gentle ways. She loved museums, films, dining out and music, particularly Frank Sinatra, and as a teenager saw him perform live at the Paramount Theater in New York City.

Lillian is preceded in death by her husband Stephen of 31 years. She is survived by two daughters, Anne Jurgan of Ardmore, PA and Deborah Watz of Wake Forest, NC; son-in-law Martin Watz of Wake Forest, NC; Three granddaughters: Pamela Hoadley of Perrysburg, OH, Kathlene Fabrizio of Pittsford, NY and Karen Warner of Sartell, MN; Four great grandsons: Christopher Fabrizio, Matthew Fabrizio, Derek Warner and Logan Warner. Lillian comes from a family of 9 and is preceded in death by two brothers, Chet and Henry, four sisters Jeannie, Barbara, Sandy and Marion. She is survived by two remaining siblings, Eileen Leo and Richard Jurgan.
Services and internment will be private.

In lieu of flowers, contributions may be made to St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital, Memphis TN 38105: www.stjude.org

The family would like to thank the doctors and nurses at Bryn Mawr Hospital and particularly the Hospice team who provided excellent care for Lillian.

McConaghy Funeral home is honored to be caring for her family and words of comfort may be shared at www.mcconaghyfuneralhome.com; www.legacy.com

 

Lillian Natalie Perkowski 

6/26/2020

Eulogy

Presented by: Anne Jurgan/Daughter

 

This will be around 9-10 minutes.

I want to thank everyone very much for participating today for Lillian, my mother and my pal.

We hung our together. We did so many wonderful things together. We had fun together. We liked being with each other. We enjoyed each other's company. We got along really well. We loved each other.

My mother was the smartest lady I ever met. And I would tell her that often. I don't think she thought she was smart. But I would give her examples. She had such insightful things to say about events in my life, other people's lives, current events and political events. She had this uncanny ability to read into people's behaviors, motivations and words. She always guided me successfully through life's dilemmas. At the very first whisper of a problem, she would be my first call. I depended on her keen analysis of the situation. And she was always, always right. I would simply marvel at how well she analyzed the situations and create solutions.

Our close relationship began when I was in high school. I would come home from school, and every day we would sit at the kitchen table and talk. Well, I would talk. She had this magical way to get me to talk. She got to know me then and I got to know her too. We discussed the events happening in the world around us. And she guided me. We would laugh a lot together. She had a delightful sense of humor.

And this close relationship grew deeper and closer throughout the years.

After college, I moved to New York City. And a few years later, my father died.

I would come home on the weekends to the house my father built in Lebanon, New Jersey to help her get the house in order to sell. The basement and garage were over flowing. It took a long time to get organized for the move, I also helped her select where to move and choose a new home for her in Bryn Mawr. I liked Ivy Side and her apartment was on the top floor, very light and airy. She moved to Bryn Mawr in 1980 and liked the town very much. She said because there were lots of wonderful people around and lots of things to do.

She worked at Bryn Mawr College as a secretary for Alumni Resources and developed a circle of wonderful and supportive friends. She was a hard-worker, very precise and detailed in her job.

She would come on many weekends to visit me in New York City. I would plan beautiful and highly cultured events. She would drive in on Saturday morning and leave Sunday afternoon. We would first go to lunch and then go shopping. On Saturday night, I would have tickets to Broadway shows like Les Misérables and the Metropolitan Opera - we both saw Pavarotti there together for the first time. We saw the New York City Ballet and The American Ballet perform Giselle, Swan Lake, Cinderella, The Nutcracker. And modern dance groups such as Jose Limon, Merce Cunningham, Pilobolus. We saw tango dance groups from Argentina, flamenco from Spain. We also saw Martha Graham Dance Company perform the famous Appalachian Spring, with Martha herself coming on stage afterward!

On Sundays, we would have brunch and head off to the museums. We saw and experienced together our first Van Gogh, Cezanne, Picasso. She liked Monet, Manet, Degas and Munch. We went to the Whitney Museum to see the contemporary American Artists which was quite thought-provoking and the source of our conversations for many weeks.

When I moved to Philadelphia in 1992, we would have dinner out every Friday night.

We would frequent a wide variety of restaurants and the owners got to know us. Mom simply adored being addressed by the owner or maître d with her name: "Hi, Lillian! It's so nice to see you again" and show us to our table. And we would drink wine. Mom loved wine. We would try a different wine every week. And she had an almost photographic ability to recall the label, of which wine we liked so we could buy it again. And we talked and laughed. We got along so well. I loved our Friday night dinners as much as she did, and we rarely missed a Friday dinner.

See what I mean? We hung out together. Both of our lives were enriched, and our relationship deepened because of all these wonderful experiences we shared together.

We saw Pavarotti again here in Philadelphia at the Kimmel Center around 2002 or so. The tickets were very expensive. But she wanted to go. She said she missed seeing Frank Sinatra (her favorite artist) in one of his last concerts in Atlantic City because the tickets were expensive, and she regretted it and wasn't going to make that mistake again. So, she got tickets and we had really good seats. About 10 rows from the center stage. We heard him un-amplified. And in the middle of the concert, he leaned against the grand piano, faced the audience and sang "Ave Maria" acapella. It wasn't on the program. My mother turned to me and said, "Your father is here." Ave Maria was my father's favorite song. She missed my father so much.

My parents met in Jersey City, New Jersey where my mother was a legal secretary for Attorney and US House of Representative, T. James Tumulty. My father and he were friends and served together in the US Army in the China-Burma-India campaign during World War 2. After they married in 1948, the US Army transferred my father, a career CWO, to Governors Island, New York, where my sister was born. He was then transferred to Germany where I was born. We traveled extensively throughout post-war Europe visiting Switzerland, Austria, Italy and France. We then were transferred to England. My mother loved her years in Europe and often spoke of them fondly.

Mom was a kind and very smart lady. The smartest lady I ever met. She read people very well and would have made a great psychologist. The mother of one of my close friends, Beverly,  was a psychiatrist and told her that.
She was generous. Anyone who knocked on the window got money.
She loved children. She would always stop to talk to children wherever we were: on the street, in a store, in the mall, the grocery store, everywhere. And she donated to St. Jude Children's Research Hospital in Memphis for decades.
She was trustworthy. She would never, ever betray anyone's trust.
She was reliable. Always early and always doing more than what others expected. She completed all tasks given to her perfectly. No one ever had to check her work.
She was helpful and unselfish. She thought of herself last and everyone came before her.
She was a better person than me. She was a better woman than me. She was definitely smarter and wiser than me. I always strived to be like her.
She was very religious and a long-time parishioner at this parish. She made a good friend here, Sister Anne. Mom loved God. Early this past June on a Saturday evening, we were sitting on the patio with our nightly ritual, drinking wine and having our cheese and crackers. She was talking on and on about how much God loves me and her. She went on and over and over again for about 15 minutes.

And she loved me. Wow, did she love me. I don't think I ever felt so much love. She showed me what love is. And I loved her. After she moved in with me a year ago, May, before we would retire for the night, we would have this nightly ritual in the hallway upstairs. I would kiss her and say, "I love you." And she would say, "I love you too" and kiss me. And then I would say, "I love you more. Yes, I do. I love you more and more and more and more." And with each "more", I gave her a kiss on each cheek, forehead and chin. She would grin from ear to ear and giggle with absolute delight. And I did that nightly ritual again as she was dying. "Mom, I love you. Yes, I do. I love you more and more and more and more." And I did that over and over again.

 

She told me right before she died that I was always there for her. And I was.

 

I will always be there for you, Mom.

 

I will be Loving, Kind, Gentle, Trustworthy, Steadfast, Loyal, Determined, Thoughtful, Honest, Wise, Insightful and Smart.

 

For You.

 

To be like you.

 

To be how you have been to me.

 

You will always be with me.

 

Mom, I love you. Yes, I do. I love you more and more and more and more.

 

Thank you.