Lindsay Traill Obituary

My dear Leanna,
I just found you on Google and the obituary of your beloved Lindsay came up. I am so very sorry. I have also lost John after 60 years of marriage. ( 2014). There are no words to describe the loneliness but we were both blessed with so many happy years and are left with wonderful families. I just want to thank you for the happy times we had together- my staying with you and being in the schools to experience the joys of early education in Auckland was the high point in my professional life! I am still in the same place- Lancaster Ohio living on the same farm - surrounded by four " children". Seven grandchildren and twelve great grandchildren. I am 88 and still driving!!! I hope you get this. Thank you for all you did for me and for the wonderful memories!!! Love. Ann Decker. ( [email protected])

May the roads rise up to meet you
May the wind always be at your back
May the sun shine warm on your face
The rain fall soft on your fields
And until we meet again
May God hold you in the palm of his hand. "Anonymous Celtic Blessing"

My darling,

Below is the copy of my letter of reply to David Lyon. Another record of the sad, happy and precious times we shared before you slipped peacefully away into your forever sleep. Your presence on our memorial table gives me great comfort and peace. All is well my dearest man.
----------------------------------
18 September 2011


Haigh Lyon Lawyers
P.O. Box 119
Auckland 1140

Dear David,

I can't begin to tell you how deeply ‘touched' I was to receive your most wonderful letter following Lindsay's funeral. I have read it over and over and will continue to do so for a long time to come. As ever I am deeply impressed by your astute way with words, the tinge of humour and even more so with the depth of reflective, insightful and generous comment you share in honour of the wonderful human-being that Lindsay really was.

The whole process of his leaving has been terribly painful and in hindsight, also very beautiful. The Dementia was steadily and deliberately taking him away from us anyway, and then out of the blue a bowel obstruction picks him up and rushes him towards the end. (No rugby analogy meant here) The poor darling must have had the obstruction for some time, but not once did he say he was in pain, or maybe he just didn't know how to express it.

He had become increasingly tired and bed-bound and did spend a lot of time moaning and groaning and it was particularly bad when he went to the toilet. I would ask if he was in pain and he would always say no and then burst into song. Because he intermingled moaning with singing I naively thought that if he was singing he was okay. When he vomited up a mass of black sludge I knew there was serious trouble and he was rushed to hospital. During his days there we came to the realization that his loud singing was probably how he coped with pain because that's what we saw happen. Hence the song “You are my sunshine” being sung at his funeral. We called it his anaesthetic song because whenever he had a bout of pain (despite the morphine) we'd start singing it and he would join in and relax again. Towards the end his lips would move showing he was thinking the words – for the opening line only by then.

It was beautiful that we were able to spend the ten days 24/7 at his bedside in Auckland hospital and for three days at the wonderful Mercy Hospice. He was continually surrounded by family, friends and love. I/we could share memories and tell him lots of things that we loved about him: we could recall happy times, laugh at some times, berate him for some times, and thank him for all times. We had music playing in the background all and every day and would enjoy seeing his toes moving to the beat even when we thought he was deeply asleep. At one time when we thought him deeply asleep our ‘signature song' “I love you because” was playing. I leaned over him and whispered “they're playing our song” and straight back he whispered “yes.”

The Mercy Hospice was such a beautiful place for him to pass - the quiet, the beautiful flowers, the comfortable lazy-boy chairs for us to sleep in, and the quiet unobtrusive and tender care with instant attendance when we felt we needed it. Auckland Hospital was wonderful to us too, but after polystyrene cups, and one cup of tea per room, and the expense of food at the cafe it was lovely to be served morning and afternoon tea on a tray with china cups, and to have meals that were so nicely served and delicious to eat.

Palliative care is wonderful and ensured he was comfortable as he left peacefully surrounded by family and love.

Bringing him home for the days leading up to the funeral was so right too. We had the casket in the study with flowers, candles and incense. The family, including his grandchildren relaxed around him and he was never alone. Maori elders came for Karakia and Waiata each night and the children made sure that someone slept in the room with him. So when his casket was lowered at Purewa Chapel that was the first time he would have gone off alone in a long, long time.

I love your comments on the funeral and the words of comfort to “Widder Traill” – they are beautiful and true. We felt very happy with the service and felt it was a wonderful farewell to Lindsay. Unfortunately, despite our collective planning we omitted to put out the Memorial Book for people to sign, so David I truly don't really know all of who was there. What I was aware of was the filled chapel and the number of people who were up on the balcony, (which I gather you found your way to, eventually) Therefore your description of numbers present ‘to pay tribute to a good man' is so appreciated. I have received numbers of cards and messages of sympathy from people we haven't seen, or been in contact with, for over thirty years.

Two weeks after the funeral we had a lovely little service to bring his ashes back home. John and Lorraine and our Auckland nieces and nephews joined us in the homecoming. He was called into our home with a Karanga and carried by his grandson Connor. Now he is here beside me in the study/office on what we call our memorial table. And it all feels so right and complete - the house is peaceful and I am peaceful.

I agree with Rosemary, and was always of the opinion that letters such as yours and this one of mine should be handwritten too, but honestly, in the end, what matters is that thoughts and feelings are shared, however they are conveyed. You've got Bronwyn and I've long gotten used to writing everything on the computer rather than handwriting – much to the detriment of my handwriting standards.

So thank you again David. Your letter touched my heart in so many ways.

Love to you and Rosemary and the family as always.

Leanna and Family

My darling,

This memorial book of messages from those who have known and loved you is about to close. I am including the following letter that David Lyon wrote a few days after your beautiful funeral. I have thought to put it here because in some ways it gives an additional perspective of our lives and love that future generations of yours and mine may enjoy to read.
-------------------------
9 August 2011

Dear Leanna

Lindsay of yesteryear would have given you and the family a triple A rating for Saturday. My one gripe rises from my inability to produce my impression of the late and great Sir Howard Morrison when How Great Thou Art was sung.

Your wonderful letter to Lindsay, the careful planning, the radiant warmth from all present and the love for our late, loyal and much respected friend would have undoubtedly impressed and touched him as it did all who attended.

While some may say you have been largely prepared for the event of Lindsay's demise by his decline over these last three years or so, I see that as only part of "the picture." You and the children have had to cope with the agony of watching the decline of this intelligent, personable and admirable man who you all loved. That involved you coping with a huge and undeserved impost. Your love and deication over those years is laudable/admirable - both inadequate words in these circumstances - and the subject of highest praise from all those who know or have some inkling of what you all gave.

Penning these few words gives rise to a feeling of personal guilt. Why did I not do more? Sadly I have no answer to that question save that I knew Lindsay could not have been in better hands.

When life for you and your nearest and dearest gets back to something like normal, I know you will experience a good number of bleak moments as the realisation that "life without Lindsay" is now a reality. Time, the great healer, will ensure that over the months ahead the happy times and the memory of them will outweigh the recent difficult years and that what was inconceivable perhaps as recently as four years ago, is that you now face and can cope with life without Lindsay.

At times such as this when one tries to produce a word of comfort for the "Widder Traill" - Texan accent required there - my foremost thought is how fortunate you are to have children and grandchildren and their love, support and presence. How vastly more difficult would the future be without those who were created by the love that you and Lindsay shared?

Harking back to Saturday, the numbers present served to remind me that while the media strive on a daily basis to convince us the world is populated exclusively by a.....holes, that is not the case. The numbers at Lindsay's funeral service were testament to the fact that good folk seeking to pay tribute to a good man far outnumber the rat bags.

Rosemary firmly beleives that letters such as this should be handwritten. Probably she is right. I have no doubt that your reading my thoughts at this time will be made much easier by the input of "my Bronwyn." I will have to cope with the hopefuly only verbal assault as best I can.

Apologies for our non-appearance at the "tea and buns." No, we did not rush off to the Grammar Carlton vs Papatoetoe semi-final, but we did need to be elsewhere shortly after the service.

Love from Rosemary and I.

Yours sincerely

David

DAVID LYON

Dear Lindsay,
We only met when you had just been diagnosed. We thought that listening to Abba in the car with the volume so high the song was distorted was was your normal behavior, and blaring out the lyrics to "hot legs " by the rolling stones at full boar in the shopping centre was just the New Zealand way.!!
Even though this terrible disease had taken hold we could see you were a gentle and loving soul.
Maureen and I still talk about the trip to Mary and Harry's in 2007 with great fondness.
My Mum had always told me what a lovely lovely person you were and recollected the time you came to stay with her in England. I wish I could have met you then, I am sure we would have had some very interesting conversations. I always feel a sense of great injustice when someone so very much loved is taken away from all that love them.
You were clearly very loved and my love and thoughts go out to all that have loved you and known you as I am sure the void you have left will never be filled. Deb and Maureen Hill

04 August 2012

My dearest Lindsay,

One year ago I wrote the following letter to you as you lay here beside me surrounded by family and love. This morning in the cool of dark and winter morning, with your ashes beside me, I am writing to you again. Later this morning family and friends are gathering here in our home,around our memorial table and you, to reflect, pray, sing and share memories of you. Our house is peaceful, my heart is peaceful, and we are together. Ake, ake, ake taku whaiaipo. Leanna
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06 August 2011

My darling Lindsay,
This morning, Saturday August 6th 2011, you are lying here behind me as I cry for me and write to you. My heart is aching for this being the last day that I can look upon your handsome face – in its reality – even though I know that from today forwards I will hold the image and warmth of you in my heart mind and dreams for as long as I live.
As we say goodbye - for now – amidst the pain - my head is filled with many happy reflections of the full life we shared together. It has all been said over and over during these past two weeks as you peacefully drifted away from us, but I would like to tell you one more time.
We have shared 46 years together and you were so proud of that achievement. During that time the roller coaster of life has taken us through many places, both happy and sad and we enjoyed and negotiated our way through these places and times together. You gave unconditional love to our children and to me and was always there to help us in good times and bad.
You worked hard for our children and showed great devotion to our mokopuna over the years. Your legacy of goodness, truth and work ethic will hold them in good stead as they journey along their own life's pathway. I was always proud of your significant professional achievements over the years. We have travelled the world, sailed the islands of the gulf, Vava'u and Tahiti and enjoyed being with each other in exotic faraway places. You enjoyed sport and played a good game of squash until just a few years ago – as Bob George will attest to.
Then - who knows when it all began? Like the early morning mist creeping silently across the valley, slowly and surely covering the nooks and crannies of reality with a cloak of cold, soft deception, so Fronto Temporal Dementia took over your life. The changes tip toed in, soft, subtle and illusive. At first fleetingly noticed and then forgotten. As the mist thickened and settled in the valley of your being so it took you with it into steady and sure decline.

Amongst the challenges of your changing world, we have enjoyed wonderful times. We loved your passion for bursting into song and admired your ability to remember all the lyrics from songs of the fifties and sixties. The songs that came from who knows where, and should have stayed there, gave us much amusement. There were so many things to laugh at and cry about. The Lindsay that used to be would never have burst out with such ultra-inappropriate songs in the middle of a supermarket, or comment on the anatomy of passing strangers in a very loud voice. Look at that Whopperthon was a favourite expression of yours. You were expelled from your first day-care on your third day for non-compliant behaviour – which the family and I found very amusing. There are many more stories that will be told over and over and over.

I know that you will want me to thank our children. Our son Mark for his unconditional support over the past two years: he was there night and day caring for you and for me and without him the latter part of our journey together would have been very, very difficult - so thank you son. Lisa and Dominic who have been there whenever needed but particularly through your final journey this past two weeks: night and day at your side with love and support, tears and caring. My sister Penny for her loving support and care; at my side and your side night and day through these past two weeks and our niece Vanessa. Our Leni and Raquel who came to be with you and us and are looking after me for you, our brothers and sisters who were in daily contact and your mokopuna and extended family and friends who are all here to celebrate your life with love.

Thank you for your unwavering love, trust, respect and faith – for being my husband, the father of our children, my friend, my lover, my confidant, my rock and my partner in love, work and play.
Takoto mai, takoto mai taku whaiaipo
Moe mai i waenganui a ratou o te whanau kua haere i mua i a koe.
Until we meet again – I will love you.
Leanna

A year has passed come tomorrow. We hold many happy memories of good times with Lindsay and dear Leanna. Still miss the conversation and happiest of times over Yum Cha at the "Enjoy Inn". With love, Norma and Geoff Gibbs

Wintersleep

Without death would we
know life? His lovely bones...ash,
each particle ~ a moment
within a moment...
of mem'ry ~ streams from her eyes
in perfect fluidity

In youth their summer dream
served to burnish life's path ~
too fast, too soon...love now
a willow bent and weeping

Twilight kissed his singing lips; a
twisted light, a shadow stain
that washed away...washed away
the knowing times with much aggress; a wicked
torrent, a cruel, hungry quickening ~
thief of life,
thief...of breath...

how
could it
be so cruel?

His wintersleep
solicitous, in
its etching,
indelible ink;
poetry
rolling down
love's aching winter cheek still
warm from the blessing


Sasha

Dearest Lindsay, it is so hard to believe that on the 3rd of August a year will have passed. The beautiful love of your life Leanna and I have many chats about the good times we all had together at Waihau. Ian and I will never forget that cheeky smile and quick wit of yours.
"At night the stars find the strength to shine through the darkness and shed light for everyone dreaming on the earth below".

Dearest Lindsay, you were such a wonderful man and we will never forget you. Ian and I loved to go over to your beach home at Waihau and enjoy your wonderful hospitality. The last time I visited Waihau will always be a special memory, darling Leanna and I were sitting having a wine while you were resting, you came out and told us to keep our voices down and then promptly sat down and ate the potato chips with a great big grin on your face. Ian and I both loved the way you would come over to our bach and chat several times a day. It won't be the same without you when I visit at Labour weekend. Leanna and I will sit and talk about your wonderful qualities.
YOU HAVE GONE BUT YOUR MOUNTAIN IS EVERLASTING

In loving memory of my darling Pa. Lindsay my father. A loving good and fair man. A lifetime of mostly good times pa. I say mostly because that’s how life is, you take the crunchy with the smooth. Despite some differences over the years, I always loved you and always will. Your son Mark.

Rest easy knowing that Ma, your mokos and we are all well. Sleep well – our love always Mark and Jennifer. xxxx

Dear Pa. Thank you for all the wonderful shared, fun times. It was a pleasure taking care of you. May you rest well. Miss ya. Love Jennifer.

In loving memory of my darling Pa. Lindsay my father. A loving, good and fair man. A lifetime of mostly good times pa. I say mostly because that’s how life is, you take the crunchy with the smooth. Despite some differences over the years, I always loved you and always will. Your son Mark.

My darling,

One month today since you went peacefully into your forever sleep. The void is great but bridged by everlasting memories of our many, many happy times together. Thank you for giving me unconditional love, respect and friendship for all 46 years. I look at your photos every day and see the light in your eyes and the brightness of your smile. I feel the warmth of you, and hear the voice of you. Our house is peaceful and I am peaceful. 'You are my sunshine.'
Leanna xxx

One month today. Time seems to pass too quickly and it still takes me by surprise when I think of you and then remember your not here to hug, or hold hands with and walk around the block any time soon. So I talk to you anyway and tell you what is going on with us; just as I did on those walks. So much happened around the time you passed, I think we are still trying to make sense of it. But much of it was good and even felt like you had a hand in it.
The gifts you have given us throughout your life and in your passing will always be valued Dad. And your hugs and holding your hand will always be missed. Lots of love, Lisa xxx

Dearest Uncle Lindsay,
No more pain, no more suffering just wonderful singing forever. That is how I will remember you the most. I admired you and I valued your wisdom greatly. What a rock you were to our family! What a wonderful son in law you were to our grandmother! You treated her like the taonga that she was. I will never forget and always love you the more for it. Such wonderful memories we will share with our young whanau.

Keep singing Uncle Lindsay and never stop!
We all miss you!

Arohanui to Auntie Leanna, Lisa & Mark and families always.
With all our love Pauline & Nigel, Gregory & Sandy and Annie xxxx

~ It's hard to believe it's been 1 month already, since Uncle's passing. Aunty Leanna & family, you are all still in my thoughts and prayers. Sending lots of love and healing energies your way. Love & Blessings. Sasha, Sammy and Jesse xxx

My darling Lindsay. It was three weeks ago this morning at 8.30 a.m. that you slipped peacefully away from us. I miss you terribly and will always think about you with love,and happy memories. The house is empty without you, but also warm because I know you are here. With all the karakia and waiata and joyous return of your ashes to 'our' memorial table here beside me, I am peaceful and the house is peaceful too. I love you. Leanna

My DEAREST koro.

you always warmed my heart with your kindness towards your family and friends.
your wiseness made you very smart. I never knew a more energetic koro than you. You always made me laugh with your humor and you had a kind,kind,kind spirit. I am damn proud to be your grandson!!!!!!

Prayers for all of Lindsay's loved ones. I shall never forget Lindsay's smile and sense of humor as he took me for the ice cream ride to Hamilton, or put the Nutella secretly in my suitcase to take back to the USA. I will alway love him. Leanna, I long to see you and give you my biggest hug. No matter how far away, you are both in my heart.

Lighting a candle for you, Uncle Lyndsay. The sun was warm and bright today, Uncle, and your house was filled with the love and warmth of Aunty Leanna's smile as you came home. It was a gorgeous day. Love & Blessings. Sasha, Sammy and Jesse xxx

To Leanna and the family
Our sincere condolences to you all. We have the fondest memories of Lindsay, which we will not forget.
The Masters Squash members of the Remuera Rackets Club.

Thinking of you with love always x

Dear koro
I just thought that i wnated you to know that no matter what i will always be thining bout you and that you were the most healthiest energetic koro that i knew ....
No matter what you will always be in my heart and i will never forget you ,,Thankyou for being my koro. You may be thinking about how nan is doing but dont worry ill look after her along with every else .....Bye koro i love you and ill see you again soon Love Paige

TRAILL, Lindsay Francis. 26 August 1939 - 3 August 2011. Beloved father, rock solid and always loving. Wonderful Koro who helped raise two boys who will always have your spirit within them and hold your love close. We are all so much better for having had the privilege of sharing our lives with you and the nourishment of your love and belief in us. You will be in our hearts always and the love we have shared will carry us through. Arohanui Dad and Koro, from Lisa. Dominic, Connor and Callum. XXXX

TRAILL, Lindsay Francis. Passed away peacefully on 3rd August 2011. An outstanding uncle who gave us years of wonderful tunes and laughter. Forever in our hearts. Misha, Vanessa, Jacob and Jordana.

TRAILL, Lindsay Francis. Lindsay we will miss you Float on the clouds Ride the wind and twinkle With the stars, forever loved. Dearly loved brother-in-law and friend of Mary and Harry Dutton and family.